Weaning

All my friends and family know I have struggled in the "weaning" department. Everyone I talked to and everything I read made it seem so easy & natural.  Although for whatever reason, it just didn't work for us: Zoey and I. I tried the slow weaning process/cutting out one   feeding at a time and I felt like Zoey was starving herself until she knew it was time to eat again. She was never a "good eater" & I was getting anxiety trying to get her to eat food. So I continued to nurse. Nursing was convenient and easy for both of us. I didn't have to pack much before we left the house. I knew she was getting good nutrients. It was a comfort for her. It helped her calm down & sleep at night. It was a way we bonded. And for someone who didn't know how I felt about nursing in the beginning, I'd say we did a pretty good job at sticking with it. 

For the most part, people were accepting of the fact I was a "late nurser" (according to our society). I would hear comments like "good for you for stinking with it" or something to the extent, "maybe I am just more selfish than you, i was over nursing by ___ months" or "I can't believe you are still nursing". 

Well it's as much as a surprise to me as it is to Zoey and will be to all of you reading that I'm done. I cut her off cold turkey. I wasn't planning on doing it this way or even ready for it but i feel committed and we are going for it. On Monday we told Zoey that mommy's milk was "gross" and put vinegar on my nipple. She's so smart, she didn't try to nurse but it was there just in case. I asked her if she wanted a bottle and she said "ya, sure." Something we never hear but She drank the bottle. I nursed her Monday night (out of laziness bc it was late) & Tuesday morning for one last feeding. I thought it was going to be a gradual change but I didn't know how to tell her now you can nurse and now you can't so I committed. Tuesday was a fairly easy day but It was a hard/sleepless night. Wednesday's nap was extremely hard. I felt like I was on the verge on a nervous breakdown. I was tired, engorged, and trying to stay strong. Wednesday night was a little easier but it took til midnight for her to wind down & fall asleep. Today's been good but maybe thats because she fell asleep in the car. Beside naps and bed time i would say this last second weaning is going well. Zoey hasn't even asked to nurse. Shes eating a variety of foods. And is her happy self durning the day. I know for a fact I will not be recommending this route or doing it with our future children but I felt the need to express my thoughts and experience. As for my Zoey, 

Thank you for trying to understand. 

I feel bad I've turned your whole life around little girl of mine. Ive not only changed the way you are use to eating but your daily routine. I wasn't planning on weaning you this way & I feel bad for throwing all these new changes at you. You are doing so well with it. I know it's hard. I love you and I am trying to give you all the extra love and cuddles I can. You make each day of mine meaningful. I am so lucky to be your mom. I promise I am trying my best even though I am just learning how to be a mom. Love you baby girl. Xoxo mommy